Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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