I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
