Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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