i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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