He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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