Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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