ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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