i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
