You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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