I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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