i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
