Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
And then he peed in my hair
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