Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
