I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
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