someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Success! We fucked roommates!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
