Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
