i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I need water and some morals
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize