just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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