life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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