Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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