i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
