??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
