and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
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Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
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I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
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