Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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