your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Pants are for mortals
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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