Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
50% drunk capacity currently
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
