so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
