a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
