So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
