it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
