he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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