I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
