The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
