the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
