If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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