You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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