Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
