Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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