he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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