don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
