omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
