OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
smell my finger.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
