the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He felt like a one man threesome
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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