Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
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