Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He called his prostate his "boner button".
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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