I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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