Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
