i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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