your thong is hanging out like whoa
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
