just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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