I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
oh god the rape fog is back!
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
