she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
