he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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