I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
