Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
