Who did Billy Mays play for?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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