I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
