o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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