I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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