I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
