I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
