Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
