I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
