Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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