I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
