i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
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I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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