she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
