Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
