Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
