is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
nutella sex= disaster
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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