I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
